Last summer when Goldie was born we saw God use the blog for his glory in so many ways, we received emails everyday of amazing stories of praise to Him and I felt in that time like why would I ever share anything not completely glorifying Him, posts that would lead someone to feel anything but encouraged about themselves. Leave them wanting something they don’t need or comparing themselves to others. But as the months passed I grew more and more okay with it. Even the years before all of that this place used to be my journal, to share the aches of my heart, the verses that were speaking to me, the way God’s been moving, and to connect with people. I really miss that. I’ve felt distracted by the business of it, the formula of it, and lost sight of what I love about it. I will always love and share about fashion, home decor, and all those fun things, but they aren’t what is at the core of me. They don’t satisfy any piece of me and I don’t want anyone to think otherwise.
For the past few months social media has been sitting uncomfortably with me. The burden of it and my convictions about it were laying so heavily on me that I was ready to call it quits. We took time to pray & fast over the decision and our time ended with an encouraging push to stick with it. I carried on working on posts and taking more steps in this business that is so deeply intertwined with my personal life.
The point of this is not to complain or bite the hand that feeds me, but just to be honest about how I feel because I know I’m not the only that struggles with these things. As I once again came home last night, sat at the kitchen island and talked to David with tears in my eyes about how I can’t handle it. I can’t take trying to make my life look pretty and sell people on it anymore, and once again he encouraged me, he didn’t think it was time to walk away yet and something in me agreed. Reminded me that the beauty of this job is that there aren’t rules. No one set the standards in front of me that I hold myself to daily.
This morning when I woke up to do my devotions I read Psalm 42. Which is the Psalm that this song is about and each lyric couldn’t have rung more true to my feelings right now.
Thank you for listening to me word-vomit all my thoughts, I suspect I’m not the only one sick of holding themselves to a silly standard. The time has come to let myself off the hook, to find the balance again of putting what really matters to me into this blog amongst the fashion and lifestyle posts and feel good enough again. I’m so sick of setting unrealistic standards for myself and I don’t want to do that to anyone else either. So, back to honesty & real life and please can we delete #goals from our vocabulary!