Since I met David he has been a musician, actually it’s why we met. Back when video stores existed I introduced myself to him in Blockbuster because I recognized him from his band. He still continues to tour regularly and I knew that was how it would be before we got married, and before we had babies. It definitely gets hard to have him leave with each new phase, but I still always expect it.
Music & travelling is a passion of both of ours so we just accept that fact that we will have to spend some time apart. We would love if one day it worked out for our family to tour together, but we’ll see how everything works out.
I receive messages often from other tour wives asking for advice or just to chat about how it is with a husband on the road. I know when it is a new thing, either he just start touring or you just got married trust can be a huge issue. It’s necessarily comforting knowing your husband is playing for people every night with drunk girls watching and talking to them. I’m blessed to be able to trust David so easily. But it was definitely easier for me after I had been on the road with them a little and seen the reality of tour, that it’s not a constant party.
Being at home I just try to fill my schedule, keep my days busy to make the weeks go quickly. But I also don’t want to feel like the time when David is away I am waiting for him to be home. I try really hard to take life one day at a time, and If this lifestyle is going to be out reality I can’t be waiting to start things once he gets home. I need to continue to hang out with friends we’ve been meaning to see, volunteer at the places we’ve been talking about, making big decisions can happen over the phone, I try not to hold off long talks for when he’s home because I don’t want to live in a state of waiting.
But when I carry on accepting our daily life without him here it makes it a little bit harder to transition to daily life when he’s home. It’s easy to feel like he’s getting in the way, or messing with they way we do things. But we’re learning the best ways to transition back into that life quicker and I think the main thing we’ve learned is being really open with communication. If the way one of us is doing something bothers the other we need to address it right away, not necessarily in the moment because it’s easier to be defensive then. But bringing up later “I would like it if you would (or wouldn’t ____)” is what we have discovered is best for us.
We’re constantly learning how to best adjust to this lifestyle, especially during the crazy years of having a toddler we don’t want it to let us grow apart from each other. Tour (or any sort of travelling husband) wives tell me your thoughts!