Life with a travelling husband

Photo via Music Felon

Photo via Music Felon

Since I met David he has been a musician, actually it’s why we met. Back when video stores existed I introduced myself to him in Blockbuster because I recognized him from his band. He still continues to tour regularly and I knew that was how it would be before we got married, and before we had babies. It definitely gets hard to have him leave with each new phase, but I still always expect it. 

Music & travelling is a passion of both of ours so we just accept that fact that we will have to spend some time apart. We would love if one day it worked out for our family to tour together, but we’ll see how everything works out. 

I receive messages often from other tour wives asking for advice or just to chat about how it is with a husband on the road. I know when it is a new thing, either he just start touring or you just got married trust can be a huge issue. It’s necessarily comforting knowing your husband is playing for people every night with drunk girls watching and talking to them. I’m blessed to be able to trust David so easily. But it was definitely easier for me after I had been on the road with them a little and seen the reality of tour, that it’s not a constant party. 

Being at home I just try to fill my schedule, keep my days busy to make the weeks go quickly. But I also don’t want to feel like the time when David is away I am waiting for him to be home. I try really hard to take life one day at a time, and If this lifestyle is going to be out reality I can’t be waiting to start things once he gets home. I need to continue to hang out with friends we’ve been meaning to see, volunteer at the places we’ve been talking about, making big decisions can happen over the phone, I try not to hold off long talks for when he’s home because I don’t want to live in a state of waiting. 

But when I carry on accepting our daily life without him here it makes it a little bit harder to transition to daily life when he’s home. It’s easy to feel like he’s getting in the way, or messing with they way we do things. But we’re learning the best ways to transition back into that life quicker and I think the main thing we’ve learned is being really open with communication. If the way one of us is doing something bothers the other we need to address it right away, not necessarily in the moment because it’s easier to be defensive then. But bringing up later “I would like it if you would (or wouldn’t ____)” is what we have discovered is best for us. 

We’re constantly learning how to best adjust to this lifestyle, especially during the crazy years of having a toddler we don’t want it to let us grow apart from each other. Tour (or any sort of travelling husband) wives tell me your thoughts! 

8 Comments

  1. February 22, 2016 / 6:42 pm

    I didn’t marry a traveling husband, but I did grow up with a traveling dad. I know at times it was difficult for my mom, but I remember I loved the times when my dad was home. And he was so purposefully there when he was home that I never felt he was absent, and I still have beautiful memories with him. Also I do think that it made my relationship with my mom is so much stronger because of all the time we spent together. To me it was my norm. My mom always tried to involve herself in church and in other activities we were a part of. Just my two cents from a daughter’s perspective 🙂

  2. February 22, 2016 / 6:42 pm

    I didn’t marry a traveling husband, but I did grow up with a traveling dad. I know at times it was difficult for my mom, but I remember I loved the times when my dad was home. And he was so purposefully there when he was home that I never felt he was absent, and I still have beautiful memories with him. Also I do think that it made my relationship with my mom is so much stronger because of all the time we spent together. To me it was my norm. My mom always tried to involve herself in church and in other activities we were a part of. Just my two cents from a daughter’s perspective 🙂

  3. February 22, 2016 / 6:42 pm

    I didn’t marry a traveling husband, but I did grow up with a traveling dad. I know at times it was difficult for my mom, but I remember I loved the times when my dad was home. And he was so purposefully there when he was home that I never felt he was absent, and I still have beautiful memories with him. Also I do think that it made my relationship with my mom is so much stronger because of all the time we spent together. To me it was my norm. My mom always tried to involve herself in church and in other activities we were a part of. Just my two cents from a daughter’s perspective 🙂

  4. February 22, 2016 / 10:28 pm

    I feel the same way! I’m so glad you talked about how hard it is when he comes home…that’s the hardest part for us, and I thought it was just us that had that issue! It’s kind of like I just get used to not having him around…so it’s almost is harder when he first comes back…which you think it would be all love and rainbows! That first week is never pretty! We have our first baby on the way, and my husband’s going to have to leave like a month and half after she’s born…and I’m a tad nervous! Do you have any tips for making him still feel involved and like he’s not missing her growing up?

  5. February 22, 2016 / 10:28 pm

    I feel the same way! I’m so glad you talked about how hard it is when he comes home…that’s the hardest part for us, and I thought it was just us that had that issue! It’s kind of like I just get used to not having him around…so it’s almost is harder when he first comes back…which you think it would be all love and rainbows! That first week is never pretty! We have our first baby on the way, and my husband’s going to have to leave like a month and half after she’s born…and I’m a tad nervous! Do you have any tips for making him still feel involved and like he’s not missing her growing up?

  6. February 22, 2016 / 10:28 pm

    I feel the same way! I’m so glad you talked about how hard it is when he comes home…that’s the hardest part for us, and I thought it was just us that had that issue! It’s kind of like I just get used to not having him around…so it’s almost is harder when he first comes back…which you think it would be all love and rainbows! That first week is never pretty! We have our first baby on the way, and my husband’s going to have to leave like a month and half after she’s born…and I’m a tad nervous! Do you have any tips for making him still feel involved and like he’s not missing her growing up?

  7. Ashlee Favro
    February 23, 2016 / 6:53 pm

    Although I am not married I am in a relationship with a traveling musician as well and it def gets hard and can be frustrating at times! I always enjoy when he is home and being away is hardest for me! Glad to see other woman in the same situation. Everyone has a passion in life and I don’t want to be in the way of having him live out his!

    http://www.tusksandtails.com

  8. Jessica Walker
    March 5, 2016 / 11:13 am

    My husband has just started travelling for work. We have nearly been married for a year now so it is very new for us to be apart. I am sticking to the 4 Rs that I created as he departed, Read (the bible), Run, Retail and Rest. Hopefully that helps me.

    What is the longest your husband goes away for?

    101lifelessons.weebly.com

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