This past Sunday evening we had a service to remember and honour our little Goldie Bloom. We decided to keep our service intimate with just our parents & siblings, all who were there the night that we said Goodbye to Goldie at the hospital.
I’ve always told David that if he passed away before me I would scatter his ashes at my favourite place on the beach so that I could go sit and stare into the water to be with him. It’s surreal to me that now I actually have that with my daughter. The night after Goldie was born when I laid in the hospital bed knowing that she might not make it I imagined this service. It ended up being exactly how it was in my mind and it was perfect.
We wanted the service to be simple, beautiful, golden, and natural – nothing forced or too planned. David, Poppy, and I spent time earlier setting up our spot with little things that are reminders of her; gold balloons, gold shells, gold feathers, and white flowers. I love to throw parties mostly for the chance to make decorations and spend time on all of those pretty details. So being to do little things like spray paint feathers, and cut strips of white tulle for my little Goldie, the way I did for Poppy’s first birthday, made my mumma heart happy & also deeply ache.
Later when we returned to the beach we could see all our family gathered already at the spot we had set up. We walked the path towards them and my heart again felt that gaping hole, and my limbs & heart felt so weak the same way I did when when we held Goldie for the first & last time. The image I was living in of our family walking; David holding Poppy and me with the urn of Goldie’s ashes that I was pressing so tightly into my empty feeling chest, was an image so far from what I ever imagined for our family of 4. It feels incomplete.
We started the service with David’s brother Matt praying & speaking about Goldie, Heaven & God’s faithfulness. David and I then took Goldie’s ashes out into the ocean and watched the cloud of them billow and drift through the water. It was such a beautiful, painful, heartbreaking and yet joyful moment and an image I will forever remember. The ocean has always given me a strong feeling of God’s presence and this felt like a symbol of us releasing her body to God. Another experience of feeling a little bit closer to Heaven. And the thought of going home will forever be that much sweeter than it already was.
“David and Bethany, the inheritance you will receive in Jesus now includes a reunion with your daughter. The first day you’ll see Goldie healthy and the first time you’ll get to hear her speak. That’s not just a sentimental hope. That’s not an illusion to make us feel better. That’s a biblical picture. Goldie is right now safe with Jesus. Every molecule of her body like every other person who’s died covered in the grace of God will be collected by Him. Not one tiny particle of it will be lost to this ocean; and she will be put back together in a glorified state…a brand new, perfectly healthy, immortal body like none of us here can imagine.”
We continued to take our time worshiping, praying and taking flowers out to the water. I could have stayed there in the water for hours. Leaving that emotional moment and closeness to our baby girl was really difficult, but I love that I can come back to that spot everyday and feel like I’m spending time with Goldie.
After our beautiful and spiritual time at the beach we all went back to my parents house for a family dinner – toasting to Goldie, and sharing about the experience we all struggled through together. We threw Goldie a party, and celebrated her life. We have had a lot of time mourning & grieving her loss but also wanted have the chance to feel and celebrate the joy we experienced with her and because of her. Being able to laugh and cry all together around the table made it such a special night that and we both wish we could relive again and again.
“David and Bethy most of all but the rest of us along with them have felt sorrow, have felt loss, and have felt the sting of death. These things are very real and we will not minimize them; they’ve felt strong and have seemed to have free reign.
But nothing could be further from the truth than that.
One of the great ironies of the Christian life is that walking through the valley of the shadow of death is the very best place to catch a glimpse of our Shepherd. No where else can our eyes be more fully opened to the immensity of God’s power, His grace, and His love toward all of His children than there.”
-A part of Matt’s message from the service
*Again, thank you to M&Him for capturing such a special night to me so perfectly. I will forever cherish these photos and I’m so thankful I have them to remember this night that felt like a blur.
*We ask that you please comment with respect for our healing hearts. Thank you for all the loving comments and emails you have shared with David and I. We are so encouraged by your prayers and your stories of how Goldie’s life touched yours.